Fears
by krazykitkat
Summary: Kensi and Deeks face a few of their fears. KD Friendship, UST
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE: Fears**  
><strong>AUTHOR: Katkrazykitkat**  
><strong>RATING: PG<strong>  
><strong>DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of Shane Brennan Productions, CBS Television Studios and Belisarius Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.<strong>  
><strong>THANKS: To my sister for betaing and keeping me going.<strong>  
><strong>CHALLENGE: Written for Yuletide Madness 2011 for comixologist<strong>  
><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: Unfortunately I have had to disable anonymous reviews due to abuse of the feature. Thanks for your understanding. Sockpuppet accounts will be blocked.<strong>

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><p>"Is that you, Kens?"<p>

She turns towards him. "Is what me?"

"There's something touching my leg, just above the sock."

"Yes, Deeks, it's me." She rolls her eyes. "I took my protective boots off to play footsie with you."

"You couldn't have just humoured me? Now I know it's a tarantula that's going to climb up the inside of my jeans leg-"

"And that's a problem? It's not as if there's anything important up there for it to munch on."

"Your bedside manner really sucks."

"Fine. I'll waste some of the phone battery." She shakes her head and reaches out, really hoping to grab his thigh closer to his knee than hip. When he doesn't make an off-colour comment, she runs her hand down, stopping halfway down his calf. Shifting to her knees, she pulls her phone from her pocket and turns it on. The low light from the screen will have to do, the case is cracked and she can't get the flashlight app to work. It's still in better working order than Deeks', which is buried somewhere in that direction...well at least she thinks it's that direction. Not exactly any landmarks in here.

Carefully pulling up his pants leg, she relaxes as she sees a large piece of building insulation caught under his ankle.

"Do I want to know what it is?"

"Don't worry. I'll save you." She lifts his foot and pulls the insulation out, discarding it over her shoulder. "The big bad spider's gone now."

She pats his leg before holding the phone up to have another look around their little slice of heaven. She really needs a flashlight to make a useful inspection, but they were also casualties of the building collapse. Not that she thinks they'd have a hope of showing them a way out. The place is too unstable to risk shifting any of the debris.

"Stop teasing the injured man." Deeks coughs and she feels the wince travel the length of his body.

"You make such a big thing out of a few little bruises." She's keeping the mood light, but he's worrying her. When the world blew out from around them, he'd landed on top of her and taken the brunt of the building material falling on them. She's sure he's got a broken collar bone and at least a couple of ribs, but it's not knowing the extent of the internal injuries that's the big concern. Not that they can do anything about it, so maybe it's better to be in the dark. In more ways than one.

Her own body aches, Deeks may be lean but he hit her with some force, and there's a bleeding cut at her hairline. Other than that, she's fine. Nothing a hot bubble bath and some rocky road wouldn't cure. She is, however, antsy and annoyed that there's nothing she can do but sit here and wait for their team to dig them out.

She settles back down next to where he's propped up against a massive beam and uses the phone to inspect his face.

"I'm okay," he says, pasting on one of his patented grins.

"Just checking you hadn't fainted on me." She turns the phone off. Even in that level of light, she could see the pain in his expression and his pallor confirms that her worry is warranted.

He nudges her arm with his hand. "And here I was thinking you'd much prefer me unconscious and mute."

"Don't read too much into it," she says. "You need to be of some use when they reach us. Not letting you slack off."

"You're such a-" She can hear him smacking his lips together, trying to moisten his mouth. "Slave-driver."

"Yeah, well, if I left you to your own devices, you'd be curled up with Monty somewhere." Which sounds incredibly inviting right now. Curling up with Monty that is.

"I obviously need to make him watch a Lassie rerun marathon. Then he could come and rescue us."

She laughs. "With his bad knees and PTSD?"

"He could at least point Callen and Sam in the right direction."

They drift in and out of random conversations for the next she really has no idea how long.

After another lull, he says, "Um, Kens, how much battery do you think's left on that phone?"

"You scared of the dark?" she teases. When he doesn't answer, she reaches out and grasps his hand. She can feel a tremor and thinks it's because of the injuries until he speaks again.

"Just turn it on for a minute." He can't hide the note of anxiety in his voice.

"Okay." Once it's on, she holds it up at head height and squeezes his hand. She doesn't look directly at him, giving him time to compose himself. She feels him slowly relax.

"Thanks," he says eventually. "You can turn it off now. It's not the dark-"

She meets his eyes now. "I'll leave it a few more minutes. And you don't have to explain."

"It's not the dark as such. It's too long in a dark confined space." He swallows, glances around their surroundings and then forces his gaze back to meet hers. "I was about six. My mom was away for a few days helping her sister and my father just couldn't deal with me. He locked me in the hall closet for a couple of hours."

She blinks away tears as she rubs her thumb over his wrist. She's known for a while about the physical abuse he'd faced growing up, but she hadn't thought about the mental and emotional. Her emotional scars pale in comparison. "I'm so sorry, Deeks."

"I haven't had a reaction like this in years." He shakes his head, the embarrassment obvious in his voice.

"This isn't exactly an everyday situation." She bites her lip before continuing. "You're a good, amazingly strong person. Don't ever doubt that. You're scared, anyone in their right mind would be, and you've got more reason than most."

"You're not."

"No-one's every accused me of being in my right mind," she replies with a smile. "I've been caving, so I'm okay in small dark places. Worms on the other hand..."

"Worms?" He raises his eyebrows. "Cute little earthworms?"

"You know how after heavy rain, there's all those worm bodies over the pavements?" She can't help but shudder just picturing it. "I can't even look at them."

Deeks laughs, followed up by a short coughing fit. "I would never have imagined worms to be your kryptonite."

She squeezes his hand a little harder than necessary. "Don't even think about using it against me."

"I'd never do that." He holds up his free hand in the scout's honour sign.

She knows she's going to end up regretting it, but it was worth spilling her most illogical fear to get his mind off their current predicament. "Is it okay for me to turn this off now?"

"Yeah. And Kens," he laces his fingers with hers, "thank you."

Turning the phone off before she can tear up again, she tries to brush it off. "Nothing to thank me for. Haven't managed to get us out of here yet."

And if Sam and Callen don't find them soon, her greatest fear, that's already nibbling at the edge of her thoughts, might become all too real.


	2. Chapter 2

**I was more than a little blown away by the reviews and people wanting more. Sorry it's taken so long. There will be one more chapter after this.**

**Thanks to my sister for betaing and Jess for encouragement.**

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><p>At some point she carelessly drifts off.<p>

She comes to with a start when she loses her balance and topples to the side, wrenching her wrist as her hand automatically braces against the ground.

"Shit."

It takes several long moments for her brain to work out where the hell she is and why it's so dark.

"Deeks?" There's no answer and a flare of what is absolutely not panic shoots through her when she can't find the phone. "Deeks, talk to me."

She pats the area to her right, reasoning it must have slid off her lap. She swears as something sharp pricks her finger. "If you're playing me, I'm going to smack you." Her hand finally closes around the phone and she takes a deep breath. "I'm going to turn the phone on and if you're grinning at me, I'm not going to be happy."

There's still no reply, no movement. She bites her lip. Her finger's on the power button but now she can't bring herself to turn it on. She'd give anything to see that annoying smirk he flashes when he thinks he's gotten one over her.

"Deeks, please," she whispers, shaking her head. "Don't do this to me."

She firmly believes that there's no point in delaying bad news. You might as well bite the bullet because avoidance's not going to make it any better. But in this moment...

"Pull yourself together, Kensi," she snaps, anger at her weakness taking over. She turns the phone on and goes straight into first aid mode.

He's breathing. Unconscious, yes, but definitely still breathing. His pulse is on the rapid side and feels weaker than last time she checked.

She'd talked him into lying down on his back at the first signs of shock, but the broken ribs had made it too difficult to breathe, so he'd returned to the upright position. She fights a wave of nausea and worry that the movement may have worsened the internal bleeding.

"Stop it," she mutters to herself, her nails digging into her palms. "You've seen much worse shock than this and they've remained conscious. He's probably just passed out from the pain of the ribs and collar bone. You know how delicate he is and at least you don't have to listen to him whining."

There's absolutely nothing more she can do other than wait. She takes his hand, placing her fingertips over his pulse point. And starts to talk.

It's utterly ridiculous, but she can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, if she watches over him, holds onto him, he won't be able to leave.

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><p>She's in the middle of telling him about the first time she met Jack when the phone fails to turn on. She drops his hand, shakes the phone, presses the power button again and again with different fingers and then holds it down hard. Not even a flicker. She puts pressure on the screen-<p>

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Her mind takes off racing in tandem with her heartbeat as the fears crash in on her.

She should have called Eric to update him on their location herself. She should know by now not to rely on Deeks for the mundane tasks. If he had called, Sam and Callen would be here, doing everything and anything to get to them. But she hasn't heard any movement, let alone voices. And even if the building collapse had been called in by some concerned citizen who just happened to be walking by on a Saturday afternoon, it's abandoned so the authorities won't be looking for anyone. In her infinite wisdom, they'd left her car parked over half a block away. Knowing this neighbourhood it's probably been stolen and stripped by now so the GPS locator would be useless.

And his phone is pulverised and hers might as well be for all the use it is. And now Deeks is going to die in front of her and she'll be stuck here until the rest of the building comes down on her or she succumbs to dehydration. But if it does come to that point, at least she has the means to go out on her own terms.

She's holding the phone so tightly that a sharp edge on the broken casing cuts into her hand. It's enough to bring her back to her senses. She draws in a deep breath, exhales. Another and another until she's centred again. One step at a time.

She can't save him from the dark, but at least she can make sure he knows he's not alone. She strokes her hand over his face, before retaking his hand. There's no point in worrying about the strength of his pulse any longer, all that matters is that he has one.

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><p>Her throat is sore from narrating her life story and the dust and no water. So she alternates between talking out loud and in her head. The majority of her dating history has been covered during the silent periods.<p>

She's so tired but she can't close her eyes until he's safe. Not after what happened last time she fell asleep.

"And then I met you in the gym. I knew you were hinky from the start." Her voice is croaky and keeps fading to a whisper. "Were you going to try to frisk me in the house? You know you would've gotten kneed. So if that was your intention, you should thank Callen for saving your balls."

She gives a soft snort. "Still don't know what Hetty was thinking bringing you in. You're a totally useless liaison. But now..." She bites her lip as a surge of emotion constricts her chest. Raising his hand, she holds it against her cheek and stares in the direction of his face.

She can't say it out loud. Because if she does she knows her voice will crack and the walls that are only just holding her up will crumble. She can't fall apart. Not yet.

So she finishes it in her head.

_I don't know what I'd do without you._

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><p>She's been alone in her head for too long, with only the raspiness of her voice and the warmth of his skin to anchor her. At first she's sure she's imagining the sound of movement above them. It isn't until she hears their names shouted for the third time that she lets herself believe it.<p>

"We're down here!" she cries at the top of her voice, but what comes out is not much more than a croak. She tries again, but the attempt ends in a coughing attack. She has to do something to get their attention.

She draws a mental map from what she remembers seeing in the low light from her phone. Bricks, wood, a large metal pipe...about five feet to her right on the other side of Deeks' legs. She's just going to have to hope that it isn't a vital support structure.

She squeezes Deeks' hand tight and leans in toward him, whispering, "I need to make a lot of noise so they can find us. If you even think about trying to leave, I'll kick you in the ass so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week."

It takes longer than it should to let him go.


End file.
